cc licensed flickr photo shared by Paolo Rosa
As usual, the visa process is coming down to the wire. It never fails. There is always something about it that brings you face to face with the barbarous beast of bureaucracy. You might remember I called it Kafkaesque. It turns out that’s actually a word.
Kafkaesque: Marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity.
The FBI Identification Report
In order to get a visa I have to show that I am an upstanding citizen. To do that I must have fingerprints taken at the local police station and send them in to the FBI. It takes six weeks for the FBI to process my fingerprints and do a criminal background check. Then they send me my rap sheet or my FBI identification record.
After I get my FBI ID record I’m still not done. I have to submit this document to the State Department in order to get an apostille. An apostille is a stamp from the appropriate official which makes my FBI ID record an official international document. The State department says that once they receive your document they need 15 days to turn it around.
I’m still not done. Once I have my internationally recognized FBI identification record with apostille I still need to have it translated into Slovak. This has to be an official translation stamped and sealed (literally) by a licensed translator.
Introducing Kafka
So I should start working on acquiring these documents as soon as possible, right?
Wrong. The FBI identification record is only good for 90 days.
My FBI identification record is dated April 15. So it’s good until July 15.
But I didn’t actually receive it in the mail until the very end of April. I mailed it to the State Department on May 3 for the apostille. The problem is, when we are about to leave for Slovakia in early June I had still not received my FBI ID record with apostille.
The Authentications Staff is currently not able to respond to emails inquiries [sic] from this account. Please do not leave email messages. If you would like a status request please call 202 663-1848 or fax 202 663-3636.
Of course, this is the phone number that the web site said I should not call for status requests. So of course I called it.
Naturally, you have to get through an automated menu system in order to find the right people to talk to. The menu system offered me a little hope. It was very clear, and with each selection I seemed to get closer to my goal. Finally I pressed “3” for “to determine the status of your request for apostille.” I felt confident as the phone rang, fully expecting a real person to answer.
The fact that I got an answering machine dampened my spirits only slightly. What did me in was the message.
This mailbox is full. This number does not accept inquiries regarding the status of apostille requests, please contact us by email at …”
Naturally, the email address they gave is the one I got from the web page, the same one that gave me the phone number that gives me the email address, that gives me the phone number…
Kafkaesque: Marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity.
David Duff says
And I worry that my tax dollars are being frivolously spent by my government. Long live the democratic process…
Todd Patterson says
I suppose I’ll have to write another post telling the end of the story. That original FBI ID record and apostille were lost in the mail on the way to Slovakia. So I requested a new FBI ID request. Fortunately, the foreign police informed me that they have an exception for FBI records–they don’t need an apostille. They told me that after they had told me 10 other times with emphasis that every government document needs an apostille.
$#%&!